Recording the Moment

When you feel happiness, it’s just as important to write it down as sadness.

Sometimes we’re all too tempted to stand out in the rain and put it down as inkblots on a page than let the sunlight bathe our journals in warmth.

Life as newlyweds has been uncharacteristically hard for Bear and I. We have both been grieving my illnesses. It can be hard to forget that my sickness is just as hard as him as it is on me. But Bear is a strong and mighty bear, and he fights for me. He may not fight in all the ways I thought he would, but he does so much more than I expected.

In the morning before I wake up, he kisses me. While my hair is still crazy and he changes out the coffee filter for me as I’m standing in my completely unsexy pajamas half awake, he worships me. From my head to my toes he caresses me, telling me how beautiful I am, how smart I am – this translates to me, how worthy I am to be on this planet even though I can’t do all those wife things and we’ve only just started. In the corner of my eye I notice a dozen of red roses, one of my favorite flowers, on the kitchen table he bought for me last week.

There’s a bag of oatmeal in a recyclable bag on our white Formica countertop in our lovely sea-foam green newlywed kitchen he claims he bought for me but he picked out himself. The large bay windows over the breakfast table bathe us in pure morning light as we flirt with each other.

Moments like these make me realize that life may be full of pain and anger, but it’s also full of love and hidden rainbows at 7am. If I’m going to live fully, not just survive, I need to continually take mental photographs.

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